I don’t remember my first kiss, but I don’t believe the boy I gave my virginity to kissed me either. We had sex in the sand dunes behind a baseball backstop. Just as hot. Just as “romantic.” I think there are probably very few women with a fairytale first time. ❤️🩹
That’s sad, too, Jodi. Sorry to hear you had a similar experience. Too bad those shitty memories aren’t forgettable. You’re right about the stats, for sure. Thank you so much for reading. 🤍💞
The incident itself and the domino effect it had on your life is a heartbreaking story, Marce. I can imagine how protective you are of your granddaughter, seeing danger at every turn. I hope the current generation of girls and young women are more self assured than we were.
Oh Marce, My heart aches for your 13-year-old self. I fully relate to so desperately wanting to be more during those early teen years, and the teflon coating! That was so necessary, still is sometimes. I found myself wanting to highlight your sentences like it was Medium. That's when I know I'm reading a really good piece. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful and vulnerable story!
Thanks so much, Dani :) I know re; highlighting. I always want to do that 🤭 I’m sorry you know my story too well, so many do it seems. Sad isn’t it. The things we did to fit in. Thank you, my friend. It’s lovely to see you here 🤍
Yes! I find it crazy how many women have had such experiences, and I also find it so awesome that we are sharing them and seeing ourselves in each other. Having compassion for the women and, in turn, finding compassion for ourselves.
Marcia!! I grieve for what you went through! My own core Substack is about the utter chaos and desolation of the sexual revolution of my own youth, Boomers. I had many many sex partners over a ten year period and it was awful awful sex. Waiting to be married (and choosing a special man to be your husband) is an excellent idea that has too much scoffing at it. There is a good reason for this, God is not stupid. I want you to know how deeply you are valued and needed and the fact that you write this painful sharing is profound. You are cherished and you are blessed. Hold fast! Sending you a virtual hug, if you will receive it. Wendy (a blunt Oregon girl).
Dear Wendy, what a beautiful, heartfelt comment. Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your life with me, for your kind words. I'm so grateful. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to endure such awful experiences and disappointments. I hear you. Ahh, the things we did to fit in. Hugs back at you, Wendy. Thank you Oregon girl :) 🤍
I think I hung on every word here. So well written Marcia. What comes to mind is 2 cops pulling over me and my then boyfriend. We were separated into two police cars. I was grilled if I was a virgin. I didn't even know what that meant. I have a horrifying thought that he threatened to take me to the hospital if he couldn't put his hands in my pants to check....horrendous..
OMG Suzie, that’s horrific! You poor thing. Seriously, the shit we endured. Criminal. Thanks so much for reading, Suzie. Sorry it brought back that memory 😖 Your kind comment is beautiful :) Thank you 🤍
Oh Marcia, this is raw, authentic, brave writing. That young girl (you at 13), I feel you understanding and protecting her here and I’m so glad she has your back now. There’s the healing she/you deserve. 🥰
Yeah, not the nicest start to the sexual journey, for sure. Wonderfully written, though. The guy had no class. I was 18 with my first girlfriend, a few weeks into our short time together, when all of a sudden, we were going at it on the living room floor. I thought to myself, I'm doing it! It was 4:45 in the afternoon, and my father would be home around 5:00. Needless to say, it did not last long. Not the best start either.
Oh, Janaka! I almost laughed but don’t want to be disrespectful to your experience. 18 is a better age! I can only imagine that it didn’t last long ;) Thank you for sharing this. You made me smile 🤍
Yeah, it wasn’t a tantric experience, that’s for sure. Hey, in the end, if you can’t laugh at this crazy ride called life, we’ve missed the point of it all. A comedy of errors, even that wanker who hoodwinked you. I wonder how his journey was?
Loving myself seems like a journey without a destination, but when I turn around to see how far I've come and can't see the starting point, that's when I start to believe in it. A little bit.
Writing helps.
Always in awe of how you hold nothing back with us. 🖤
Marcia thank you for revealing your pain - I totally relate as a 13 year old wanting to be liked, loved, wanting to be pretty and popular, and ending up having sex to find out what it was all about - not knowing I was harming my precious young self. I was pregnant by 14 had a child who was taken for adoption at 15. This brought back so much love and compassion for the younger me and the younger you, and for all the children whose first experience of what should be loving and fun sexuality is so fraught. 🪷
Oh, Melinda 💔 Your comment made me teary. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I feel that love and compassion you speak of, for the young girls we were, and so many others like us. What a devastating story.
Thank you so very much for reading and sharing. I appreciate it, kind lady 🤍
I am about 5 years older than you Marcia - was it a generational thing? is it better for youngsters today? did the sexual revolution that happened just before we reached puberty do something weird to expectations around sex - I would love to hear from older and younger women.
I’ve wondered the same thing, Melinda. I don’t think much has changed to be honest, even with all the awareness today. My daughter told me stories of her high school days, how girls as young as 13 would give the boys blow jobs in the toilets or wherever. I went to an all girls high school so that didn’t happen when I was at school. Outside school, yes. I’m not easily shocked Melinda but that threw me. She was 13 when she started telling me the stories. She was mortified. I see my granddaughter and her friends, just turning 13 and they are all about the boys, you know. FS. My granddaughter is quite prudish, I couldn’t imagine her doing such a thing. The mind boggles, Melinda. I find the whole thing really sad. So much time is wasted during those years when they should be learning, not flirting. If only they knew they have their whole lives ahead of them to be doing that shit. 🙄
I don’t remember my first kiss, but I don’t believe the boy I gave my virginity to kissed me either. We had sex in the sand dunes behind a baseball backstop. Just as hot. Just as “romantic.” I think there are probably very few women with a fairytale first time. ❤️🩹
That’s sad, too, Jodi. Sorry to hear you had a similar experience. Too bad those shitty memories aren’t forgettable. You’re right about the stats, for sure. Thank you so much for reading. 🤍💞
The incident itself and the domino effect it had on your life is a heartbreaking story, Marce. I can imagine how protective you are of your granddaughter, seeing danger at every turn. I hope the current generation of girls and young women are more self assured than we were.
I hope so too, Libby. They sure have a lot more awareness than we had. Thanks so much for reading :)
Oh Marce, My heart aches for your 13-year-old self. I fully relate to so desperately wanting to be more during those early teen years, and the teflon coating! That was so necessary, still is sometimes. I found myself wanting to highlight your sentences like it was Medium. That's when I know I'm reading a really good piece. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful and vulnerable story!
Thanks so much, Dani :) I know re; highlighting. I always want to do that 🤭 I’m sorry you know my story too well, so many do it seems. Sad isn’t it. The things we did to fit in. Thank you, my friend. It’s lovely to see you here 🤍
Yes! I find it crazy how many women have had such experiences, and I also find it so awesome that we are sharing them and seeing ourselves in each other. Having compassion for the women and, in turn, finding compassion for ourselves.
Absolutely, Dani 🤍🤍
I know this 13 year old girl well, so I feel comfortable saying I hope Todd has herpes and a limp dick now.
🤣🤣 You can always put a smile on my face, Nance!
One can hope… ;)
We don't know the earth shattering choices we make as children follow us to adulthood. In our innocence. Sending love, Marcia!
So true, Rea. Thank you for your lovely comment. I appreciate it :) 🤍
Marcia!! I grieve for what you went through! My own core Substack is about the utter chaos and desolation of the sexual revolution of my own youth, Boomers. I had many many sex partners over a ten year period and it was awful awful sex. Waiting to be married (and choosing a special man to be your husband) is an excellent idea that has too much scoffing at it. There is a good reason for this, God is not stupid. I want you to know how deeply you are valued and needed and the fact that you write this painful sharing is profound. You are cherished and you are blessed. Hold fast! Sending you a virtual hug, if you will receive it. Wendy (a blunt Oregon girl).
Dear Wendy, what a beautiful, heartfelt comment. Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your life with me, for your kind words. I'm so grateful. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to endure such awful experiences and disappointments. I hear you. Ahh, the things we did to fit in. Hugs back at you, Wendy. Thank you Oregon girl :) 🤍
Oh Marcia…your words and stories resonate with me. I feel as if we are kindred spirits. Thank you for another heartfelt post.
“I’m almost there”….too.💜
Oh, Mary, you made me smile. Kindred spirits we must be :) I’m so grateful to you for reading my stories. Thank you, lovely lady 🤍
I think I hung on every word here. So well written Marcia. What comes to mind is 2 cops pulling over me and my then boyfriend. We were separated into two police cars. I was grilled if I was a virgin. I didn't even know what that meant. I have a horrifying thought that he threatened to take me to the hospital if he couldn't put his hands in my pants to check....horrendous..
OMG Suzie, that’s horrific! You poor thing. Seriously, the shit we endured. Criminal. Thanks so much for reading, Suzie. Sorry it brought back that memory 😖 Your kind comment is beautiful :) Thank you 🤍
Oh Marcia, this is raw, authentic, brave writing. That young girl (you at 13), I feel you understanding and protecting her here and I’m so glad she has your back now. There’s the healing she/you deserve. 🥰
Such a beautiful thing to say, Esther. Thank you so much, kind lady 🥰
Yeah, not the nicest start to the sexual journey, for sure. Wonderfully written, though. The guy had no class. I was 18 with my first girlfriend, a few weeks into our short time together, when all of a sudden, we were going at it on the living room floor. I thought to myself, I'm doing it! It was 4:45 in the afternoon, and my father would be home around 5:00. Needless to say, it did not last long. Not the best start either.
Oh, Janaka! I almost laughed but don’t want to be disrespectful to your experience. 18 is a better age! I can only imagine that it didn’t last long ;) Thank you for sharing this. You made me smile 🤍
Yeah, it wasn’t a tantric experience, that’s for sure. Hey, in the end, if you can’t laugh at this crazy ride called life, we’ve missed the point of it all. A comedy of errors, even that wanker who hoodwinked you. I wonder how his journey was?
I wonder, indeed, Janaka 🤍
If we didn’t laugh… 😘
This was wonderful. Thanks for sharing. It brought junior high back in all of its hideousness...
Thanks so much for reading it, Delia. So kind of you to stop by. Hideous is the right word for that time of life.
Loving myself seems like a journey without a destination, but when I turn around to see how far I've come and can't see the starting point, that's when I start to believe in it. A little bit.
Writing helps.
Always in awe of how you hold nothing back with us. 🖤
Aw, Deb. I love this! Even your heartfelt comments are poetic 😍 We’ve both come so far! I wouldn’t be this far without the writing. So true.
Thank you, beautiful friend. Your never-ending support always makes me smile. 🤍🖤
Marcia thank you for revealing your pain - I totally relate as a 13 year old wanting to be liked, loved, wanting to be pretty and popular, and ending up having sex to find out what it was all about - not knowing I was harming my precious young self. I was pregnant by 14 had a child who was taken for adoption at 15. This brought back so much love and compassion for the younger me and the younger you, and for all the children whose first experience of what should be loving and fun sexuality is so fraught. 🪷
Oh, Melinda 💔 Your comment made me teary. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I feel that love and compassion you speak of, for the young girls we were, and so many others like us. What a devastating story.
Thank you so very much for reading and sharing. I appreciate it, kind lady 🤍
I am about 5 years older than you Marcia - was it a generational thing? is it better for youngsters today? did the sexual revolution that happened just before we reached puberty do something weird to expectations around sex - I would love to hear from older and younger women.
I’ve wondered the same thing, Melinda. I don’t think much has changed to be honest, even with all the awareness today. My daughter told me stories of her high school days, how girls as young as 13 would give the boys blow jobs in the toilets or wherever. I went to an all girls high school so that didn’t happen when I was at school. Outside school, yes. I’m not easily shocked Melinda but that threw me. She was 13 when she started telling me the stories. She was mortified. I see my granddaughter and her friends, just turning 13 and they are all about the boys, you know. FS. My granddaughter is quite prudish, I couldn’t imagine her doing such a thing. The mind boggles, Melinda. I find the whole thing really sad. So much time is wasted during those years when they should be learning, not flirting. If only they knew they have their whole lives ahead of them to be doing that shit. 🙄