Aw, thanks, Leslie. I’ve done much healing and it has definitely loosened the grip of grief. I can think of my family now without the heaviness it once gave me. That’s a miracle :) Thanks for reading, my friend.
I'm sorry for all this loss and trauma. Have you been to a grief counselor? I highly suggest it for you and your remaining family. Get to the root of the cause.
Thanks so much Lori :) I’ve done a lot of healing the past few decades, with counsellors and healers, and others. I still have a therapist and see her now and then. I know I’m here to break the cycle and it is what’s happening. I wouldn’t be able to write these stories if not from a place of healing/healed. I never could write in the pain. Thanks again, kind lady. Your support is so appreciated :)
Devastating, Marcia. So much fallout from the violence of one broken man, your father. I presume he was brutalised too. I truly hope the generational trauma ends here for you and your nieces and nephew… but no doubt the pain will rumble on for some time in those fatherless children.
I have no doubt my father was brutalised, too, Ros. And I also think you’re right about the rumble continuing, especially with my nieces who seem to carry the biggest burden. There is still so much healing to do. Thank you for reading, Ros, it’s greatly appreciated :)
I nodded when I read your words, "I do wonder, though, if the order of this list would have been different if nature had been in control and taken the proper course. If generations of trauma hadn’t been in our DNA, would it have turned out differently? I’ll never know."
I wonder this too. Intergenerational trauma is very real, and sometimes I can hold compassion for my parents and family members (including an ex-husband and his family), but other times I am outraged because we deserved better. Maybe if it were not for the layers of multiple family intergenerational traumas, my daughter would still be alive today. But like you said, I'll never know. 💜
Oh, Molly. I’m so sorry about your daughter. An unfathomable loss 💔 I believe our intergenerational trauma can be broken by a new generation. The times we live in, our awareness, our acute intuitiveness, the way we are open to healing, it can happen. I’ve done a lot of healing Molly, and I’ve been told I’m the one to break the cycle. I think so, too. At least, I hope so.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts and insights, and the sad parts too. My heart goes out to you, dear Molly 🤍
My stepson committed suicide at 19 after years of mental illness. We spent thousands of dollars on every kind of treatment possible. It still came as a shock. It will be twenty years this September. My heart breaks a little every time I hear of a suicide. I have been close to doing it a couple of times so I know how it feels to be that lost and in so much pain. I found my miracle psychiatrist with the right treatment: Spravato. If you or anyone reading this know someone who needs help, tell them to find a psychiatrist who offers it. It was a total game-changer for me. Works for 80% of patients (typical antidepressants work about a third of the time).
Dear Linda, thank you for sharing about your stepson’s suicide. That’s so very sad. I’ve been close myself. I wrote about that, too. I’m so glad you found your miracle treatment. That’s amazing! More people should hear about that. Thanks again for taking the time to read and share. You’ve touched my heart and I’m grateful xx
I'm so sorry for the grief and trauma that you and your family members have suffered. My ex-husband's two older brothers both ended their lives (via gun) in their early 30s. I came to the family a few years later, but the profound sense of loss was always palpable.
What a tragedy Amy. That’s really sad :( I’ve heard other stories about brothers taking their lives, as if they are destined or bound by it. It’s so shocking and heartbreaking.
Thank you for your kind words, Amy, and for sharing. I’m so grateful to you. xx
This has me in such a state of silence, Marcia. I don't know what words to say that will speak what I'm feeling after reading this. My heart breaks for the hardship your family experienced. Thanks for sharing this. I think it's important for others to read and ponder. I hate child abuse, oh boy, do I. But it's often a hand-me-down thing, until it isn't, as you describe here with Greg and Gavin. That's the light in this story. Sending you love right now.
Thank you, dear Stephanie, for seeing the light in my story. How beautiful :) You’re right. Gavin is such wise young man, despite the things he’s been left with, he holds no grudge or bitterness. It’s inspiring to witness. My own daughter hears the stories but has no first had experience at any of the things I grew up with. She’s had other issues to deal with, of course. The lessons are in the experiences after all.
Thank you, kind lady, for expressing how my story made you feel. You made me smile. I appreciate it so very much. 🤍
My daughter died by suicide, she was 28 and left behind three little girls. I have had other deaths of close family members, some of them premature. Suicide death though leaves a different kind of grief. My heart ask absolutely goes out to you in the loss of your brothers. Thank you for sharing your writings, they bring a measure of recognition, sameness, and peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss too. That is so heartbreaking. You’re right. Suicide is a different kind of grief. My heart goes out to you too. Thank you for your caring, kind comment, and for sharing our sameness :) It means so much 🤍
Marcia, my heart aches for you. You have suffered through so much hardship and loss and yet, here you are…writing about it. This is tragedy and trauma with a capital “T.” My life has also been affected by suicide. Sending you so much love. 🙏❤️
Oh, Grace. Thank you, my friend. Your caring heart warms mine. I’m sorry you also know the pain of suicide. It’s a grief like no other. Sending love back to you, along with my sincere gratitude for your lovely support and kindness. 🤍🤍
I read this ode this morning, and decided to take some time before writing my thoughts. I think it's a beautiful homage to your brothers, their families. Yes, heavy one but respectful. Sad. A bit worried and wondering. Wandering. Both. Gently, I'll share some of my thoughts and perspectives on suicide. Some years ago, I heard a perspective from angelic realms (AskTheo) on a suicide - they said how, from soul perspective, every death can be considered a suicide - an exit from physical embodiment. It made me think. They didn't judge nor discern how a soul chooses their exit from Earthly life. We human do that. I would say that taking one own life takes a tremendous courage. Not as admiring, but respecting and acknowledging that anyone that died by their own hand/choice/act, none can know how that person really felt. How desperate, exhausted, hopeless, just tired, just wanting peace. Much more, I don't know, I am just thinking aloud. People left behind are the ones that mourn, feeling the impact and heaviness of what is often perceived tragedy. People left behind often feel an enormous guilt, for a whole lot of reasons that their mind is not able to process such a loss. Such way of losing someone you love/d. I respect people's choices, even in death. Another interesting observation, reading through comments, how it seems much more men taking their own lives/brothers/sons. I feel your brothers are in peace now. They battled their demons from an early childhood, unfairly placed upon them, beaten in them frequently, constantly.... running away from them the best way they knew - until they found the ultimate way. They were tired, I feel. Had no more energy for living. And that's fine. You, Marcia, you are another person all together. I understand you might be wondering, comparing...but you were and are different. No comparison. You were born/are meant to break the cycle. You are strong with all your scars, wounds, losses...your heart beats strong with all that love that you are, that you feel and you felt. You are Marcia the wind through changes, the writer of life and love.
Dear Alica, I think you and I are walk a similar path. I love your comment. I feel it. I know I'm here to break the cycle. You're right, it's my purpose. I know you didn't say that but it translates that way. I've learned much about suicide from healers and psychics. I understand the journey. It's not something you can announce to the world, not everyone gets. I get it :) Thank you, kind, caring, woman. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciate, as is your insight and wisdom, always. It's all about the wisdom learn, and those pesky lessons ;) You are a light, my friend. Light attracts light :) 🤍🤍
And we shine brightly in the darkness, with love and understanding, illuminating it into starry starry night, shooting many many bright comets across the Gaia, across the universe ✨✨✨✨✨ 🤍🤍
This breaks my heart, Marcia. The police asked if my son was a Boy Scout because he knew what knots he needed to not die by asphyxiating himself. Sending you peace and love.
Oh, Rea, that’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. These days anyone could google that information, which is really sad. As always, I’m so sorry for your loss, too. My heart goes out to you. All the peace and love back to you, my friend. 🤍
What a tragic and heartbreaking legacy. Hopefully you loosen its grip by writing through it.
Aw, thanks, Leslie. I’ve done much healing and it has definitely loosened the grip of grief. I can think of my family now without the heaviness it once gave me. That’s a miracle :) Thanks for reading, my friend.
Such a very sad legacy left from your damaged father. I'm so glad you've found a way to break the cycle in your own life, Marce.
Thank you, dear Libby. I’m definitely the lucky one :) Thanks for being here, my friend.
A beautifully written portrayal of abuse and its effects on the tender hearts and psyches of the young You couldn’t have written it better.
Thank you so much, Jennifer. That’s really kind of you. 🤍
Oh Marce, there are no words to express how I feel and how I feel for you 🩷
Thank you, dear Ute. That’s words enough :) xx
I'm sorry for all this loss and trauma. Have you been to a grief counselor? I highly suggest it for you and your remaining family. Get to the root of the cause.
Thanks so much Lori :) I’ve done a lot of healing the past few decades, with counsellors and healers, and others. I still have a therapist and see her now and then. I know I’m here to break the cycle and it is what’s happening. I wouldn’t be able to write these stories if not from a place of healing/healed. I never could write in the pain. Thanks again, kind lady. Your support is so appreciated :)
I agree it takes time but being able to write about it is good therapy. Just letting it out. Hugs to you.
Devastating, Marcia. So much fallout from the violence of one broken man, your father. I presume he was brutalised too. I truly hope the generational trauma ends here for you and your nieces and nephew… but no doubt the pain will rumble on for some time in those fatherless children.
I have no doubt my father was brutalised, too, Ros. And I also think you’re right about the rumble continuing, especially with my nieces who seem to carry the biggest burden. There is still so much healing to do. Thank you for reading, Ros, it’s greatly appreciated :)
I nodded when I read your words, "I do wonder, though, if the order of this list would have been different if nature had been in control and taken the proper course. If generations of trauma hadn’t been in our DNA, would it have turned out differently? I’ll never know."
I wonder this too. Intergenerational trauma is very real, and sometimes I can hold compassion for my parents and family members (including an ex-husband and his family), but other times I am outraged because we deserved better. Maybe if it were not for the layers of multiple family intergenerational traumas, my daughter would still be alive today. But like you said, I'll never know. 💜
Oh, Molly. I’m so sorry about your daughter. An unfathomable loss 💔 I believe our intergenerational trauma can be broken by a new generation. The times we live in, our awareness, our acute intuitiveness, the way we are open to healing, it can happen. I’ve done a lot of healing Molly, and I’ve been told I’m the one to break the cycle. I think so, too. At least, I hope so.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts and insights, and the sad parts too. My heart goes out to you, dear Molly 🤍
My stepson committed suicide at 19 after years of mental illness. We spent thousands of dollars on every kind of treatment possible. It still came as a shock. It will be twenty years this September. My heart breaks a little every time I hear of a suicide. I have been close to doing it a couple of times so I know how it feels to be that lost and in so much pain. I found my miracle psychiatrist with the right treatment: Spravato. If you or anyone reading this know someone who needs help, tell them to find a psychiatrist who offers it. It was a total game-changer for me. Works for 80% of patients (typical antidepressants work about a third of the time).
Dear Linda, thank you for sharing about your stepson’s suicide. That’s so very sad. I’ve been close myself. I wrote about that, too. I’m so glad you found your miracle treatment. That’s amazing! More people should hear about that. Thanks again for taking the time to read and share. You’ve touched my heart and I’m grateful xx
I'm so sorry for the grief and trauma that you and your family members have suffered. My ex-husband's two older brothers both ended their lives (via gun) in their early 30s. I came to the family a few years later, but the profound sense of loss was always palpable.
What a tragedy Amy. That’s really sad :( I’ve heard other stories about brothers taking their lives, as if they are destined or bound by it. It’s so shocking and heartbreaking.
Thank you for your kind words, Amy, and for sharing. I’m so grateful to you. xx
This has me in such a state of silence, Marcia. I don't know what words to say that will speak what I'm feeling after reading this. My heart breaks for the hardship your family experienced. Thanks for sharing this. I think it's important for others to read and ponder. I hate child abuse, oh boy, do I. But it's often a hand-me-down thing, until it isn't, as you describe here with Greg and Gavin. That's the light in this story. Sending you love right now.
Thank you, dear Stephanie, for seeing the light in my story. How beautiful :) You’re right. Gavin is such wise young man, despite the things he’s been left with, he holds no grudge or bitterness. It’s inspiring to witness. My own daughter hears the stories but has no first had experience at any of the things I grew up with. She’s had other issues to deal with, of course. The lessons are in the experiences after all.
Thank you, kind lady, for expressing how my story made you feel. You made me smile. I appreciate it so very much. 🤍
No words. Just a deep desire to dive into the page to give you a hug.
Aw, thanks Connie. I’ll consider myself hugged :) Beautiful 🤍
I’m so sorry.
Thanks, Michelle 🤍
My daughter died by suicide, she was 28 and left behind three little girls. I have had other deaths of close family members, some of them premature. Suicide death though leaves a different kind of grief. My heart ask absolutely goes out to you in the loss of your brothers. Thank you for sharing your writings, they bring a measure of recognition, sameness, and peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss too. That is so heartbreaking. You’re right. Suicide is a different kind of grief. My heart goes out to you too. Thank you for your caring, kind comment, and for sharing our sameness :) It means so much 🤍
I feel for you. The pain you have known. ❤️💔❤️
Thank you, dear Nancy. That’s a beautiful thing to say. 🤍🤍
Marcia, my heart aches for you. You have suffered through so much hardship and loss and yet, here you are…writing about it. This is tragedy and trauma with a capital “T.” My life has also been affected by suicide. Sending you so much love. 🙏❤️
Oh, Grace. Thank you, my friend. Your caring heart warms mine. I’m sorry you also know the pain of suicide. It’s a grief like no other. Sending love back to you, along with my sincere gratitude for your lovely support and kindness. 🤍🤍
I read this ode this morning, and decided to take some time before writing my thoughts. I think it's a beautiful homage to your brothers, their families. Yes, heavy one but respectful. Sad. A bit worried and wondering. Wandering. Both. Gently, I'll share some of my thoughts and perspectives on suicide. Some years ago, I heard a perspective from angelic realms (AskTheo) on a suicide - they said how, from soul perspective, every death can be considered a suicide - an exit from physical embodiment. It made me think. They didn't judge nor discern how a soul chooses their exit from Earthly life. We human do that. I would say that taking one own life takes a tremendous courage. Not as admiring, but respecting and acknowledging that anyone that died by their own hand/choice/act, none can know how that person really felt. How desperate, exhausted, hopeless, just tired, just wanting peace. Much more, I don't know, I am just thinking aloud. People left behind are the ones that mourn, feeling the impact and heaviness of what is often perceived tragedy. People left behind often feel an enormous guilt, for a whole lot of reasons that their mind is not able to process such a loss. Such way of losing someone you love/d. I respect people's choices, even in death. Another interesting observation, reading through comments, how it seems much more men taking their own lives/brothers/sons. I feel your brothers are in peace now. They battled their demons from an early childhood, unfairly placed upon them, beaten in them frequently, constantly.... running away from them the best way they knew - until they found the ultimate way. They were tired, I feel. Had no more energy for living. And that's fine. You, Marcia, you are another person all together. I understand you might be wondering, comparing...but you were and are different. No comparison. You were born/are meant to break the cycle. You are strong with all your scars, wounds, losses...your heart beats strong with all that love that you are, that you feel and you felt. You are Marcia the wind through changes, the writer of life and love.
Dear Alica, I think you and I are walk a similar path. I love your comment. I feel it. I know I'm here to break the cycle. You're right, it's my purpose. I know you didn't say that but it translates that way. I've learned much about suicide from healers and psychics. I understand the journey. It's not something you can announce to the world, not everyone gets. I get it :) Thank you, kind, caring, woman. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciate, as is your insight and wisdom, always. It's all about the wisdom learn, and those pesky lessons ;) You are a light, my friend. Light attracts light :) 🤍🤍
And we shine brightly in the darkness, with love and understanding, illuminating it into starry starry night, shooting many many bright comets across the Gaia, across the universe ✨✨✨✨✨ 🤍🤍
No words can fill the grief of your heart. May the Lord of heaven and earth grant you peace.
Beautiful, dear Anne. Thank you so much for reading. Your kind words are appreciate 🤍
This breaks my heart, Marcia. The police asked if my son was a Boy Scout because he knew what knots he needed to not die by asphyxiating himself. Sending you peace and love.
Oh, Rea, that’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. These days anyone could google that information, which is really sad. As always, I’m so sorry for your loss, too. My heart goes out to you. All the peace and love back to you, my friend. 🤍
Thank you, Marcia. Suicide is an evil monster. <3
It really is. 🤍