I am so sorry that you had to grow up with the situation where white lies are the norm, and then have to live more lies from your ex-husband. I find it extremely hard to lie and to live with lies. You are very brave and honest. Sending you love❤️
Thanks, Chingmay. I can’t lie either anymore. I couldn’t imagine even a white lie with my husband. He’d know for sure. And besides, you’re right. It’s too hard to live with and we’re too old for that shit :) Thank you, my friend, for your kind, supportive words 🤍
Unflinchingly honest Marcia…which is the absolute antidote to the whole subject of your post. Like you, I lived in a house where my mother lied to my father. So there was a lot of resonance here. Now I aim for speaking the truth…it is not always comfortable, but much less damaging in the end.
I hear you, Esther. I’m sorry you know it too. It is such a damaging way to grow up, isn’t it. I also live my life speaking the truth. It took me decades to get here, and worth every step. Thank you, my friend. Your support of my stories is so very much appreciated :)
Thank you for yet another brilliant piece of memoir which left my life with baited breath: your words were crafted with such beautiful heartfelt precision - definitely aimed deep to make me think! Thanks again, Lx
“ I became an expert in body language and the intricate signs of liars.”
I didn’t think about this when I read it at the hellhole, but it would be so entertaining to just watch you assess people and call them on their bullshit.
Who needs Maury Povich’s lie detector tests?
Picture this, Diva— you sitting in a courtroom type setting like Judge Judy but hotter. Folks having disputes to plead their case. You determine who’s lying. I can be your bailiff calling people lying cunts after your ruling! It’d be a hit!
🤣🤣🤣 How do we launch that show! I love it! We’d make a good duo Nance. You’d be my hit-woman on so many levels. I’d point out every arsehole and you could take care of the rest 🤣
You know, each time I read another story from/about your family, I enter reading with an awareness that your family was toxic (in so many different ways) yet the way how you expose the extent, the depth, the interconnectedness with sharp precision, not softening, no excusing...damn, girl! But I liked this piece, it resonated with me as when I was in a toxic relationship decades ago, I also resorted to lying out of fear while inadvertently drove my partner even further into a rage. Yeah, I understand/can see both sides and I feel/see that we are changing the paradigm of our parents generation (ancestors even) … transposing and shifting from lying into authentic truth living/being/expressing. Again, respect to your truth and courage. And a little PS. I got your book yesterday but I am reluctant to read it yet as I sort of like reading it the way you share here on Substack. And in another way, I keep it as a treasure to indulge on a special occasion (holiday maybe) as I know that as soon I will open the first page, I won't stop reading until the very last page.
Alica, where do I even begin to express my gratitude for your beautiful comments, wise words and endless support you give to me. Thank you so much, kind KIND woman. Our stories might differ, but I love how you find resonance with your own life experiences. Our universal stories is what connects us, and I find great comfort in that. Thank you for being here, and sharing with me. You get me. I know. And you bought my book! I’m humbled, Alica, truly. You’re too kind, my friend. Take your time. Enjoy, and brace yourself. 😘🤍
This is such an honest and affecting piece. You’ve captured the emotional complexity of growing up around silence, secrets, and the danger of white lies. It left me pondering how these patterns persist across generations. Thank you for the courage it takes to share this.
Thanks, Peter, for such an insightful and kind comment. It does make you wonder. It's all generational trauma being passed on until someone with the right amount of awareness starts the healing process. I think that someone is me :) I appreciate your time today :)
You taught me about the silent generation in your story, and it makes perfect sense, as my parents did the same to each other and me as well. Great story! Have you ever submitted your short stories for publishing?
Thanks so much, Dana. What a beautiful comment. I'm sorry you know first-hand the same kind of experiences. Sad... And no, I've only ever published my stories on Medium and Substack. I wrote my memoir in 2018 and want to write the sequel, but I haven't done so yet. Someone told me I should submit my stories to The New Yorker or Vanity Fair etc, but I wouldn't know where to start. I really should research that ;)
Marce, what painful memories. It's sad that, even as a child, you were on constant alert to your mother's lies and your father's responses, and then experienced it all again in your first marriage. It's an insightful story into the insidious damage of lying within a marriage.
I held my breath reading this. Such a painful legacy
Thanks, Ute :) So lovely of you to take the time today to read yet another of my stories. I’m so grateful you’re here. Thank you! 🤍
I am so sorry that you had to grow up with the situation where white lies are the norm, and then have to live more lies from your ex-husband. I find it extremely hard to lie and to live with lies. You are very brave and honest. Sending you love❤️
Thanks, Chingmay. I can’t lie either anymore. I couldn’t imagine even a white lie with my husband. He’d know for sure. And besides, you’re right. It’s too hard to live with and we’re too old for that shit :) Thank you, my friend, for your kind, supportive words 🤍
Unflinchingly honest Marcia…which is the absolute antidote to the whole subject of your post. Like you, I lived in a house where my mother lied to my father. So there was a lot of resonance here. Now I aim for speaking the truth…it is not always comfortable, but much less damaging in the end.
I hear you, Esther. I’m sorry you know it too. It is such a damaging way to grow up, isn’t it. I also live my life speaking the truth. It took me decades to get here, and worth every step. Thank you, my friend. Your support of my stories is so very much appreciated :)
Thank you for yet another brilliant piece of memoir which left my life with baited breath: your words were crafted with such beautiful heartfelt precision - definitely aimed deep to make me think! Thanks again, Lx
Oh, how lovely :) Thank you again for stopping by and reliving my stories with me. Your kind and thoughtful comments are greatly appreciate 🤍
The damage some parents inflict on their children... so many, not even realizing the magnitude of pain they are causing.
Virtual hugs to the young child in you.
That's true, Nancy. Most of the people I grew up with can tell similar stories. It's sad. Thank you, kind lady :) xx
“ I became an expert in body language and the intricate signs of liars.”
I didn’t think about this when I read it at the hellhole, but it would be so entertaining to just watch you assess people and call them on their bullshit.
Who needs Maury Povich’s lie detector tests?
Picture this, Diva— you sitting in a courtroom type setting like Judge Judy but hotter. Folks having disputes to plead their case. You determine who’s lying. I can be your bailiff calling people lying cunts after your ruling! It’d be a hit!
🤣🤣🤣 How do we launch that show! I love it! We’d make a good duo Nance. You’d be my hit-woman on so many levels. I’d point out every arsehole and you could take care of the rest 🤣
Gold!!!
You know, each time I read another story from/about your family, I enter reading with an awareness that your family was toxic (in so many different ways) yet the way how you expose the extent, the depth, the interconnectedness with sharp precision, not softening, no excusing...damn, girl! But I liked this piece, it resonated with me as when I was in a toxic relationship decades ago, I also resorted to lying out of fear while inadvertently drove my partner even further into a rage. Yeah, I understand/can see both sides and I feel/see that we are changing the paradigm of our parents generation (ancestors even) … transposing and shifting from lying into authentic truth living/being/expressing. Again, respect to your truth and courage. And a little PS. I got your book yesterday but I am reluctant to read it yet as I sort of like reading it the way you share here on Substack. And in another way, I keep it as a treasure to indulge on a special occasion (holiday maybe) as I know that as soon I will open the first page, I won't stop reading until the very last page.
Alica, where do I even begin to express my gratitude for your beautiful comments, wise words and endless support you give to me. Thank you so much, kind KIND woman. Our stories might differ, but I love how you find resonance with your own life experiences. Our universal stories is what connects us, and I find great comfort in that. Thank you for being here, and sharing with me. You get me. I know. And you bought my book! I’m humbled, Alica, truly. You’re too kind, my friend. Take your time. Enjoy, and brace yourself. 😘🤍
This is such an honest and affecting piece. You’ve captured the emotional complexity of growing up around silence, secrets, and the danger of white lies. It left me pondering how these patterns persist across generations. Thank you for the courage it takes to share this.
Thanks, Peter, for such an insightful and kind comment. It does make you wonder. It's all generational trauma being passed on until someone with the right amount of awareness starts the healing process. I think that someone is me :) I appreciate your time today :)
You taught me about the silent generation in your story, and it makes perfect sense, as my parents did the same to each other and me as well. Great story! Have you ever submitted your short stories for publishing?
Thanks so much, Dana. What a beautiful comment. I'm sorry you know first-hand the same kind of experiences. Sad... And no, I've only ever published my stories on Medium and Substack. I wrote my memoir in 2018 and want to write the sequel, but I haven't done so yet. Someone told me I should submit my stories to The New Yorker or Vanity Fair etc, but I wouldn't know where to start. I really should research that ;)
You definitely should ❤️
🤩🙌
That’s a heavy burden you carried. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for reading it, Brad. You are always so supportive and I'm grateful to you, my friend :)
Marce, what painful memories. It's sad that, even as a child, you were on constant alert to your mother's lies and your father's responses, and then experienced it all again in your first marriage. It's an insightful story into the insidious damage of lying within a marriage.