The Tale of the Triune Dynasty

a testament to a grandmother's fierce love

Three husbands, three children, three roles… lots of 3’s.

Now before you let your whimsical imagination of knights or feudal lords capture your heart, let me dispel that notion post haste!

It’s just my dreamers heart giving a creative narrative of my life and my 3 roles, that help me to carve out my place in this world. But in that vein of medieval tales and Camelot, I will say I have had the fortune or lack thereof in seeking my knight in shining armor. The first two were riding their horses backwards. I finally got my prince on round three! But like any good “Dynasty” tale, there was heart break, deceit, and fights for domination that would take a whole chapter to flesh out. So we will skip on ahead!

The short story version is I was a mama at 17. I quit school during Christmas break of my senior year, and I earned my GED in April before my baby was even born. She was born May 30th.

My husband, who I married over that same Christmas break, had joined the military when we found out I was pregnant.

Oh, did I mention my father was a preacher, yeah, the story gets crazy. That is a whole other chapter in my life. There is so much to unpack here! I will move a little quick so I can relay some other crazy life events that are sewn into the fabric in the quilt of my life.

My husband and I had been a couple for a year in high school before I got pregnant. We had been together only two times… when I found out the literal life altering news.
We moved to Georgia where we lived until he had to go to Korea for his overseas Army deployment. We had been married for 5 years, he left… found a Korean lady, got her pregnant and we got divorced. End of story

So, I was back home and living down the street from my parents. I had an apartment and was working full time. I had a 6-year-old little girl to raise. I began to go to some dances at the military base not far from where I lived, and needless to say, I met husband number two, and as fate would have it, his name was the same as my first husband. Tim number two as my family would later affectionately label him so as to differentiate him from Tim number one! Oh, the name thing, yeah... that should have been a big red flag!

So, I am now on my second marriage at the ripe old age of 23. He was from Texas, we met in Kentucky, which is where I was living. We got married a month after my divorce was signed. We moved to Texas with my 6-year-old daughter, life was just OK. He was more distant and very lacking in the world of affection, then I had realized. Yes, it was a rebound situation no doubt. I am not ashamed to admit that now. I was very much concerned for my security, my ability to raise my daughter alone on a very meager pay situation that would not sustain itself for long. So yes, I absolutely jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

We somehow made it work for a while. We had a baby boy when I was 26. He was the light of my world. His daddy was not an affectionate man as I mentioned and I often wondered if me and my husband conceived this child because our clothes were in the same laundry basket, that is how much affection was in our household. So that did not last. I left when my boy was 4. It was so difficult. I cared for his dad, but it was just not what I needed in regard to communication and affection and well, interaction in most everyway. I left and it would crush my heart when we met to drop off or pick-up kids. It was overwhelmingly a difficult situation to navigate, emotionally and mentally.

I ended up starting to take some college classes during the last few years of our 6 years of marriage. I continued to do so after I left and ended up dating one of my college professors. He was a lawyer and well, we got engaged a year and half later. But that ended two months later. He was bi-polar and it was a hot mess. He didn’t like kids, we had two different religions, it was not a good match from the jump. BUT he was cultured, graduated top of his class at Vanderbilt. He was so smart and honestly, the first person to really listen to me and have conversations and cared about what I thought. He played amazing piano and would play for me, while I sang. I was lovestruck and he could charm anyone he wanted to. I can easily see now how I was so young and immature. I was thinking about myself. It is hard for me to say I regret everything because I learned so much from those times of heartache and hurt. I recall some very hurtful things that were said or done that I would never even imagine tolerating today. I would never have dated someone who did not like children. What possessed me? I am astounded to even admit that I made those huge decisions that degraded me and my character. I am ashamed. But at the time, I was blissfully unaware of how much I was hurting myself in the long run and how bad I would regret letting my good judgement slip right through the floorboards.

That relationship was doomed from day one. I even missed a Christmas with my children, which again, I am shocked I allowed to happen. Moving on, one year later I met a man who would ultimately shatter my world. In many ways. He stole my heart and then almost strangled me.

His name was Ken and we were together and even engaged ( you seeing a pattern here?) for about 6 months before he snapped ( for a second time) and was going to beat me, most likely to death. I know that because he had said a week or so prior to this incident that I will briefly recall, how he had thought of ending it and taking me and my son with him. NOW why I ever remained in that house is an absolute mystery to me, I have no idea what I was thinking. I honestly don’t. It is like looking back now, I cannot imagine that it was my life. I think of it as some distant and far away version of what my life was. But it was real and it had consequences.

Ken and I had a few words of disagreement, he did not like what I had to say so he grabbed me and threw me on the bed and punched me in my chest and my arms. I got away and ran to another room, shut the door and was crying, trying to call my friend. I left her a message and laid my phone down. He stormed in and grabbed my phone that was laying on the bed and threw it at me. Like baseball fast pitch. It hit my mouth. Later my lip was cut, bruised and swollen and only by God’s mercy did I not lose a tooth. When I got up and ran out of the house to the neighbor, he jumped in his car and drove a few miles from our house and committed suicide. I heard it all on the police radio, as the neighbor called the police and she was there asking me questions as the call came over the radio. I was inconsolable.

So fast forward, all of that happened when my son was 7. He is 31 now. So yes, there has been a lot of things that have happened in my life that I regret. Things that I say again, shock me that I allowed to happen or tried to prevent… or better yet, some of them were welcomed. I live with those choices, just as I have been living with the consequences of having a baby at 17. It totally derailed my life and ever since, I have been working on getting it back on the right track. I feel like I have done a pretty good job, but there are days that I question so many things.

One thing that I have been beyond blessed with is this whole TRIUNE niche that I have. I would love to explain this! I am Mama, Gigi and playmate. All three wrapped up in one.

I had always wanted to have three children, but it was just not in the cards. But let me tell you about how big my God is. He worked it out through the trials and circumstances of the life of my son and his girlfriend, for me to raise the most adorable little boy ever.

When my little grandbaby Chase was born, I was there. He was the only one that I was in the delivery room for. That must have sealed our connection right there. Me and my husband had him almost every weekend from the time he was about 2 months old, when his mom went back to work. She worked weekends and we loved having him. We saw him even more than that most of the time. When he was 4 and we were wondering what he was going to do for kindergarten, I decided I wanted to pay for him to go to a small private school down the street from us. His mom said she could not run him to school and his sister so he could just live with us. Well, that worked for me. And we have never thought twice about it. This was my 3^rd child. He was more like my baby anyway. He got my complete attention and affection. He was the 5^th child at his mom’s house and well, he was just really wanted at our house.

He is 9 years old now and for the first two years, sometimes he would ask about his mom and a few times he would cry. It absolutely tore me in two. I would tell him that she was working and that it was ok because, I loved to hold him and take care of him and then he would stop crying and calm down, and we would play. It devastated me though. His mom and dad saw him maybe once every 3 months. He was not important, they never called and asked how he was or if he needed anything. So, I took it upon myself to be his mom, his Gigi and his playmate. He had nothing else. He would absolutely be glued to my side. His understanding of being unwanted or neglected by his parents I think, was understood at some level in his heart. He had extreme separation anxiety up until just a few years ago. He would be in the same room with me or not want me to leave him. When he was 7 my husband and I went on a two night stay away and my mom watched him. He cried both nights. It was hard to hear about that. It is sad to know that he has an emotional scar that even I cannot make right.

So that has been my life for the last 5 years. I have been 3 in 1 for this little boy. It has made me appreciate my own amazing childhood where I was loved beyond comprehension which has helped me help him. I am grateful for this opportunity to be the Gigi who plays with her little guy for a few more years. He will be grown up before I turn around. I know that I will miss these busy days.

I won’t say it has all been roses and sugar cookies. HA! It has not. I have had days where I question my own sanity. I feel hemmed in. I am overwhelmed and not at all happy about my lack of personal time. I am not ashamed to admit that. Many days come and go where I find myself longing for a day here and there to do “my thing’. Whatever that may be. I used to scrapbook a lot, like a LOT. I have about 35 scrapbooks. I have not done it in .. you guessed it, 5 years.

Four years ago, I lost my sister, my only sibling. She was murdered. I have only slightly dealt with that grief and will continue to do so. She was and forever will be my best friend. God knew that I was going to be beside myself in the long and lonely days and years to come, He knew that Chase was going to be able to help me stay focused on living and continuing to see the positive in life. I have been able to do that and through love and God’s provision I am able to cope and keep her alive in my heart.

I used to hike a lot and ride my bike. Those things will come around here more often, as my little guy has gotten older and can bike and last on longer hikes… etc. But for years, I did not and it got to me. I have worked hard though on being self-less. I still struggle. As humans, I think we always will. But I feel good about where I am at. I am in a place that I know God has put me. He after all gave me a third child (for all intents and purposes) that calls me Mama.

How could life get any better? He fills my heart with love and laughter and at the end of the day, isn’t that what matters? I could not ask for anything greater. Loving my whole family is what keeps me pointed in the right direction. It keeps me hopeful and focused on living my life to serve my Lord and live in a way that pleases Him.

I am blessed that the hardships, bad decisions, wrong roads, huge mistakes, lack of good judgement and general wrong directions…. Lead me to where I ended up…. being three people to ONE amazing young soul.